On your mark, get set . . .

As this week draws to a close, so does my Christmas break. I'm very thankful to have had such a restful hiatus from the academic world, and I have mixed emotions about starting up again. While I do have the sense of anticipation/anxiety that I always have at the beginning of semesters, I'm also nervous about having over-committed myself. Although I'm only teaching two classes this semester, I expect the classes I take to be more demanding. Also, I'm now working for the journal Composition Studies as the Design/Layout editor. I'm excited about this new opportunity, but right now, I'm struggling to learn a new software, and I'm already nervous about meeting deadlines.

In a way, this is my last semester of school. Although I will not graduate in May, I will be finished with my coursework. After coursework, the next step is to pass comprehensive exams. This semester, one of my major tasks will be to lay the groundwork for these exams, which means compiling long reading lists in three different general areas. Over the summer, I'll do nothing but study after I present at the Rhetoric Society of America conference in Memphis. In the fall (Octoberish, I'm thinking), I'll take the exams over an eight day period. If I pass, I'll be over the second major hump, and on to the dissertation. So, basically, I won't stop to breathe again (for this long, at least), for a couple years.

So, as things start revving up, I'm feeling like my anxiety is tending to overwhelm my excitment. I'm leaving the safety of the Christmas break and entering back into a world that is intellectually, physically and emotionally taxing, but this time with new responsibilities and challenges on the horizon. This is not a complaint so much as it is an acknowledgment of fear--fear of not being able to please everyone or uphold some responsibility or always do the right things. But all this said, I always come back to the fact that I feel really blessed to be doing what I'm doing, and I feel extremely fortunate everytime I think about my life.